The Maid of Honor is more than just a title — she’s the bride’s right hand, logistical lifesaver and emotional anchor through the highs and lows of wedding planning. From organizing the bachelorette party to giving a heartfelt speech on the big day, she plays a key role in making the experience memorable and smooth. It’s a role rooted in deep trust and friendship. But what if the person you chose isn’t quite living up to the role? Here’s how to handle the situation with empathy and honesty, without putting your friendship at risk.
Pause Before Reacting
Before you rush into any decisions or react impulsively, pause for a moment and breathe. What exactly isn't meeting your expectations? Is your MOH struggling with a specific task or just not as involved as you’d hoped? Sometimes, the issue may simply stem from miscommunication. Understanding the heart of the problem will help you approach the situation with a clearer perspective—one that’s focused on solving the issue, rather than adding to the stress.
Have a Heart-to-Heart
Open and honest communication is the heart of any strong relationship, whether romantic or with a close friend. Take a moment to sit down with your MOH and really talk through your thoughts, concerns, and expectations. Stay calm and, above all, be empathetic to your friend, who might be dealing with the pressures of their role in your wedding and personal struggles you might not even know about. Approach the conversation with a listening ear and an open heart, giving them the safe space to express their own feelings.
Polina Yarmush, Vereschagin Wedding
Offer Support & Flexibility
With as big a role as Maid of Honor comes big responsibilities, and often, those responsibilities are far more demanding than most people realize. Between managing pre-wedding events and coordinating details, it’s easy for your friend to feel like she’s juggling a lot more than they signed up for. If they’re struggling, it doesn’t reflect a lack of their commitment—it’s the weight of managing so many moving parts at once. So, instead of focusing on what’s falling through the cracks, let your friend know you see the effort they’re putting in and that you’re here to help, whether that means lightening the load or adjusting timelines.
Rebalance the Responsibilities
If your MOH is clearly drowning in to-dos and barely keeping their head above water, it might be time to share the load. Delegate a few tasks to other members of the bridal party to lighten the pressure without hurting your friend’s feelings. What's more, it’s a great way to get everyone involved and help build a stronger, more collaborative spirit within the group. Everyone wins!
Días de Vino y Rosas, Marine Arborio
Revisit the “Why”
When the stress of wedding planning starts to cloud your perspective, refocus on why you chose your friend for this role in the first place. It wasn’t just about them being able to manage the details or coordinate the chaos. They’re there because of the deep connection you share, the laughter, the late-night talks, and the trust you’ve built together over the years. If things feel tense, however, take a step back and remind yourself of that foundation.
A Shift in Role, Not in Relationship
It’s completely okay to shift titles or responsibilities if things just aren’t clicking. Be kind and transparent with your Maid of Honor—a true friend will value your honesty and understand the concern. And remember, just because the title changes doesn’t mean your friend's role in your life does. There are still so many meaningful ways to include them in your day, even if they’re not standing beside you as MOH.
