The Relationship Audit: 20 Habits Every Couple Should Check In On

Photography: Anastasia Drigo, Kayleigh Taylor

Even the healthiest relationships need a maintenance check. Not because something’s wrong, but because real connection doesn’t run on autopilot. It’s built in the quiet moments, the daily habits, the way you handle tension or tenderness when no one’s watching. Over time, love can shift into background mode—still present, but slightly out of focus—until one day, you're more efficient than affectionate, more synced calendars than synced souls. So, how do you bring it back into view? Here are 20 habits worth checking in on together.

Photography: Matt Godkin, Adi Elbaz

Communication & Conflict

^{Practice Active Listening}

A healthy relationship starts with actually hearing each other. And no, nodding while scrolling TikTok doesn’t count. Active listening means putting distractions away, making eye contact, and showing your partner that their words aren’t just background noise. Reflect back what you hear. Ask a follow-up question. Let them feel understood, not just heard. Being present in conversations builds trust and prevents the dreaded “you never listen to me” spiral.

^{Talk Beyond the To-Do List}

Bills, groceries, scheduling — sure, they need to be discussed. But if your entire relationship exists in “life admin mode,” you risk becoming co-managers instead of lovers. Build a habit of slipping in deeper, more intimate conversations. Talk about your dreams, your anxieties, your five-year hopes and even your wildest what-ifs. Ask unexpected questions. Reminisce about your early days. Even if you think you know everything about each other, curiosity is what keeps the relationship alive, not just functional.

^{Fight Clean, Not Dirty}

Arguments are inevitable in any relationship, but how you fight determines whether it pulls you closer or quietly cracks the foundation. Sarcasm, passive-aggression, shutting down, digging up old wounds don’t solve anything and only poison the air. Healthy conflict means fighting fair: stick to one issue at a time, speak with care even when you’re angry, and focus on resolution rather than victory. You’re not opponents keeping score. You’re partners, working your way back to the same side.

^{Make Gratitude Routine}

Gratitude shouldn’t be saved for anniversaries, birthdays, or a curated Instagram caption. Make it daily. A simple “thanks for making dinner” or “I love how you handled that” goes further than you think. Noticing and acknowledging each other’s efforts creates a culture of appreciation, and that habit is quietly powerful. More than that, gratitude works like emotional armor, helping love feel noticed instead of taken for granted.

^{Revisit Your Life Compass}

Your relationship is a shared journey. If you never check the map, you might wake up years in and realize you’ve been walking side by side toward completely different destinations. Maybe one of you wants to settle down, while the other’s still chasing career highs. Maybe your dream life includes a farm, and theirs a city skyline. Revisit your compass together. Talk about where you’re going, what matters most right now, and how you want to get there — as individuals and as a team.

Intimacy & Affection

^{Let Touch Speak}

A kiss on the way out the door, a hug in the kitchen, the brush of a hand while you’re watching TV — these small gestures may feel routine, but they’re actually the heartbeat of intimacy. When physical connection slips away, so does the chemistry. On the surface everything still functions, but underneath, warmth begins to fade. Touch is how we remind each other: I see you. I want you. I love being here with you.

^{Keep the Connection Close}

Intimacy is about how present you are when you’re together and how much you really see each other. Sometimes it’s staying in bed a little longer, other times it’s trying something new or simply checking in on what feels good right now. The best moments aren’t planned or polished. They’re the ones that feel honest, spontaneous, and real.

^{Compliment Out Loud}

Don’t assume your partner knows you think they’re brilliant, funny, or cool — say it, because attraction shouldn’t go unspoken. Speak up, often, and without waiting for a special occasion. “You look incredible.” “I’m obsessed with how your brain works.” “That was hot.” Compliments are tiny moments of recognition, proof that your admiration is still very much alive. What feels obvious to you might be exactly what they needed to hear.

^{Protect the Fun Factor}

Relationships lose their spark when joy gets pushed to the sidelines in favor of logistics and routines. Laughter, play, and shared silliness are what keep things light, even when life feels heavy. So make room for it! Let it show up in the small ways: an inside joke whispered across a crowded room, a dance break in the kitchen, or a last-minute plan that pulls you out of routine and back into each other. When joy becomes a habit, connection stays strong, even when everything else gets complicated.

^{Revisit Love Languages}

Each of us has our own love language, yet it doesn’t always stay the same. The way we give and receive love can shift over time, depending on what life is asking of us. Maybe words of affirmation once meant everything, but now quality time or acts of service feel deeper. Make sure to check in on it once in a while. Relearning each other’s language is a small habit that keeps the love you’re giving from getting lost in translation.

Daily Life & Household

^{Share the Chore Load}

One of the quickest ways for tension to build? Uneven household labor. When one partner becomes the default planner, cleaner, and mental to-do list keeper while the other just “helps out,” things start to feel off balance, fast. Talk openly about it and make the invisible work visible. What feels fair? What’s draining one of you more than it should? Divide the work in a way that makes both of you feel supported, instead of silently exhausted.

^{Stay Financially Open}

Let’s be honest, few things create tension faster than money secrets or mismatched spending habits. More often, it’s not the numbers themselves but the silence around them. So build a habit of being financially open: talk about spending, saving, and even the uncomfortable stuff, like debt or money-related fears. Budget together and celebrate wins (even the small ones). Openness takes the pressure off and keeps you moving in the same direction, instead of quietly drifting apart under the weight of unspoken stress.

^{Support Healthy Choices}

When your partner’s trying to take care of themselves, be on their side. Whether they’re getting back into workouts, cutting down on late-night snacks, or finally seeing a therapist, your support matters more than you think. And yes, that means maybe not tempting them with fries when they’re trying to reset. The little ways you show up — or don’t — really do add up. Just remember: your partner’s well-being is part of yours, too.

^{Protect Individual Space}

Being in a relationship means sharing a lot: space, routines, memories, even your go-to takeout order. And sometimes, it can feel like you’ve morphed into one person. But staying close doesn’t mean losing yourself. Truth is, having space to be your own person is what keeps the relationship feeling fresh and interesting. Encourage each other to keep up with hobbies, friendships and solo time, because bringing a whole self back into the relationship is what keeps it growing. “Me” time isn’t selfish, it's part of what makes “we” work.

^{Presence Over Pixels}

Social media is great at keeping you connected to everyone, except the person sitting right next to you. You’re technically together, but mentally off in different corners of the internet, each lost in your own scrolling universe. It’s cozy, sure, yet real connection asks for something warmer than blue light. Try carving out little moments that are just yours — dinner without phones, a walk around the block, or a few minutes of talking before bed. You don’t have to go off the grid, just remember to look at each other more than your screens.

Emotional & Long-Term Health

^{Be Each Other’s Hype Person}

Cheer each other on! Proudly and without hesitation, especially when things get messy. Whatever it is, a big career move, a small creative win, or just making it through a tough week, show up with your full support. That look, that “you’ve got this,” that quiet confidence you reflect back to them? It has more power than you think. Everyone needs a hype person. If you can be that for each other, you’ll feel unstoppable no matter what life life throws your way.

^{Handle Stress as a Team}

Life has sharp turns, bad days, and seasons that test you. We all know that part too well. The real test, though, is how you handle it together. Stress has a way of pushing people into their own corners, but partnership means meeting in the middle. Share the weight, talk about what’s heavy, and build small coping rituals that remind you you’re not alone in it. Some days that means venting, some days it’s problem-solving, and sometimes it’s just sitting quietly and holding space. The hard moments hit differently when you remember you’re on the same side.

^{Respect Boundaries}

Every healthy relationship is built on respect, and that includes knowing where each other’s boundaries are. It shows up in the small moments, like how you respond when your partner says they need space or time to themselves. Boundaries aren’t signs that something’s wrong. They’re reminders that both of you know what helps you stay grounded. For some, it’s alone time. For others, it’s stepping back from social plans or choosing quiet over conversation. Respecting that space shows both of you that love feels safest when you can still be yourselves.

^{Build Your Repair Rituals}

Fights happen. Misunderstandings, bad moods, off days — they all sneak in. What matters is what you do next. Every couple needs a reset button, a way to say “we’re good” without making it a whole production. Take time to learn what works for you. Perhaps it’s cooking together after an argument, or reaching for their hand before you find the right words. Having a rhythm for reconnection, your own language for mending, makes all the difference when things inevitably crack a little.

^{Keep Dreaming Together}

Even years in, don’t stop asking: what’s next? Not just in a practical sense but in that wide-open, anything’s-possible kind of way. Shared vision gives a relationship movement and helps the energy stay forward-facing instead of stuck in cycles. It could be a trip you haven’t taken yet, a lifestyle you’re slowly leaning into, or an idea that’s still just a maybe.The point isn’t to have it all figured out, it’s to keep imagining something worth moving toward. Together.